The concept of relation has always fascinated me. I am adopted, and although I have never felt as though there was something missing as a result, part of me longed to have a blood relative— someone who looked like me; someone I could see myself in.
Nine long years ago, I got a glimpse of that in a dream. I dreamt of a little girl with dark hair and big brown eyes. She was about one, and was wearing a smocked party dress. She smiled at me, gave me a big grin, and reached for me to pick her up. The little girl’s name was Ruby, and I instantly recognized her as my daughter. The daughter I was going to mother one day.
My husband and I both pursued demanding careers, and when we were ready to start a family, it took six months for me to get pregnant. We were thrilled. We couldn’t wait to get a glimpse of our little peanut at our first ultrasound appointment. But, it wasn’t meant to be. I miscarried at 9 weeks. We were heartbroken, but I knew that little girl was waiting in heaven. And eventually, she would come down to us.
Months went by, and finally more joyful news— we were expecting again. Prayers of gratitude and happiness and tears of relief followed. At our first appointment, we heard our baby’s heartbeat trotting like a galloping horse. But it was a little slow. By my next appointment, I had lost the baby. Going through that second miscarriage was one of the darkest times of my life.
Why was this happening? I prayed for answers. We would be wonderful parents, wouldn’t we? No one would love a baby more, I prayed. A few weeks later it was Valentine’s Day. My husband gave me a beautiful ruby ring with a card that read “Our little Ruby is coming. We just need to wait a little longer.” Faith that Heavenly Father would bless us with the child of my dreams is what got me through it.
Six months later, I conceived for a third time. This time was a bit different. A specialist had discovered a clotting factor in my blood, and I was immediately put on blood thinners. Without a doubt, pregnancy was one of my greatest personal trials. I threw up every day for all nine months, multiple times a day. Nothing seemed to help. I had twice daily injections in my stomach, and herniated a disk in my back, resulting in extreme pain and bed rest. But I was just so grateful. Every day I would pray that my little Ruby would be healthy and safe, that my body would be the vessel she needed to carry her into this world. And sure enough, we learned it was a girl. I knew she had been trying to come down to us, but Heavenly Father’s timeline wasn't the same as ours.
I just had to trust that things would work out they way they were supposed to. The day she was born, and I was able to look into her eyes, I knew immediately she was my dream baby. And every day, I get to see myself in someone else for the first time ever. She will smile a certain way, or do something that is so me. She has been the greatest blessing in our lives.
I am so very grateful I have been trusted to care for this perfect little person. Things don’t always happen the way we want or expect, but I know that they have a way of ending up exactly the way they are supposed to. We love you, Ruby Sue.