The crib is set up. The car seat canopy is made. The nursery is decorated. We are excited to meet our little baby boy in just a few short weeks—our second little baby.
But setting up that crib and making all the plans came with gritted teeth and knots in our stomachs.
At the start of this year, my husband and I had finished making these same preparations, only to find our hopes shattered in a split second when the kicking and movement inside of me suddenly stopped for a reason we will never know, while just over 34 weeks pregnant.
That same night the induction started and I went through labor for the rest of that next day, had an epidural, and then pushed for one hour. And then we met our first baby, our sweet 5 lb., 8 oz. baby girl with lots of dark brown hair and chubby cheeks.
After driving home from the hospital with an empty car seat in the back seat, we packed up the baby girl clothes and put all of our baby gear away into storage.
We buried her just a couple days later and began to pick up the pieces while the world around us kept going.
I then found myself with no baby in my arms and only the realization that it would take at least another 9 months of not just physical difficulty, but now mental and emotional exertion to get a child here to raise right now.
If I had to pick one guiding force through all of this though, it has most definitely been the need for faith.
Faith is action. Faith means that we continue on living even after a hard experience. It means change. It means becoming better.
Faith, for me, means going through the exact same ordeal of pregnancy again with complete vulnerability and fears, but nonetheless pressing forward and not looking back. Faith means hoping, trusting, and knowing that Heavenly Father is in control and because of that, everything is and will be perfectly okay—He always knows best.
Over these past months while pregnant again, at first I was reluctant to set up the baby room, buy what we needed, and to let people throw me a baby shower. I had been through all this before but with a sad ending. In a way, I wanted to wait until the baby arrived here safe and sound and then do all of that. But then I realized, no—faith precedes the miracle. Not after. And so, our diaper bag is packed, the crib is assembled, and plans have been made. His tentative name may or may not be on a stocking already, as well!
This I have learned: God is still a God of miracles—but we can’t just sit back and wait for them. We have to act—as hard as it may be—and we have to do all we can. That takes faith, but with faith I know we can see miracles, both big and small, every single day of our lives.